Life is Hard-But Christian Marriage is Even Harder According to Melvin Feller MA.
According to Melvin Feller. MA who is a business owner and Christian, Life is hard for most people. Having served in the United States Navy Reserve, he knows that is not just for a moment, or in moments — an illness, a lost job, a death of someone we love. Rather, life is hard in a continuous way, as a kind of passage over time. To get from birth to death is very difficult!
However, on top of that our western culture offers distorted and unrealistic views of marriage. More recently, we have seen the very definition of marriage come under attack. Young people watch hundreds of programs on TV and movies showing distorted Hollywood views about marriage. Couples in love who get married or worse, just move in together and cohabitate, are rarely portrayed resolving conflicts. Everything is wonderful for these fictional couples. Young people raised on a diet of media entertainment expect to live happily ever after, because that is what they regularly see in media depictions of marriage.
Real marriages have conflict. The idealized images of marriage portrayed in the media leave many Christians mentally unprepared for the reality of marriage. Few young people understand God’s higher purposes for marriage. Marriage is a transformative relationship God uses to build our character and finish what our parents left incomplete. Godly marriage is not just to make us happy; it is a process to blend our personality with our spouse and transform husband and wife. Living happily ever after marriage is distinctly possible, but unlikely, unless couples first learn to communicate and resolve conflicts responsibly. Many married couples never learn to resolve their conflicts Bionically. They start handicapped because they do not understand God’s transformative purpose for their marriage.
A proper understanding of marriage prepares a couple for the inevitable conflict and helps them to deal with it responsibly. Unfortunately, well-meaning Christian couples often misrepresent what normal marriages look like. We carefully hide our own perfectly normal conflicts from the view of others. This leaves many young couples woefully unprepared for the normal give and take of marriage. They frequently become discouraged and embarrassed by the reality of their marriage.
For those outside the support of the church community, it can be even worse. Many of today’s young “millennial” newly-weds encounter conflict, and promptly file for divorce. Our friend’s son-in-law is a professional photographer and shoots many weddings. Some married couples do not even last the two or three weeks until he delivers the final prints from the wedding ceremony. He knows of several who did not make it through the honeymoon before calling it quits on their marriage. Not surprisingly, he collects full payment for his photography in advance of the wedding.
It is not surprising young people fed a diet of Hollywood distortions of marriage in movies and TV form unreasonable expectations for their own marriages. In the church, mature couples can counteract these distorted views of marriage by being transparent about their own experiences with conflict.
I have since learned that not every person who claims to love God is willing to approach marriage from His perspective. However, for those who choose to embrace the principles of Christianity that are important to a true “Christian” marriage, the following tips should be useful.
Love the way God loves us should be an easy concept to grasp for Christians. 1st Corinthians:13 pretty much lays out the kind of love that God desires for our relationships. Marriage is no exception.
Remember that Christ is the head of your relationship. By keeping this in mind, you won’t be so quick to push for what YOU want but rather what GOD wants in and from your marriage.
Submitting to one another is not as tough as it sounds. At times, putting your partner’s wants and needs above yours is more than just a good idea. It’s Biblical, and straight out of Ephesians 5:21.
It’s good to speak the truth; just don’t forget the love. As a Christian, it’s important to tell the truth in your relationship. But to do so without tact or compassion is not a good look if you claim to follow Jesus. Check out Ephesians 4:15
Being a peacemaker goes a long way towards a healthy marriage. Matthew 5:9 tells us that peacemakers are called “children of God.” As a child of God, always seek out ways to establish peace rather than havoc in your marriage.
Practice self-denial even though it’s hard. When you deny yourself for your spouse, you gain a greater gift in your marriage. Matthew 16:25 promises life to those who deny themselves for Christ’s sake. So, watching the chick flick with your wife when you don’t feel like it can actually strengthen your marriage.
Pray together as much as possible. While one of the most challenging things for Christian couples to do, this is one of the most effective. Matthew 18:19–20 reminds us of the importance of two people agreeing in prayer.
Learn to forgive — It’s not easy to let stuff go when you have been hurt. But, Colossians 3:13 encourages us to forgive as we’ve been forgiven.
Do not keep a record of wrongs — This is not only harmful, but it is a waste of time. Take heed to 1 Corinthians 13:5 and give your energy to uplifting your marriage.
Spiritual intimacy is about more than just praying together. Discuss the things you pray about with your spouse and worship God together. In Proverbs 31 we see a couple equally matched in their walk with God and it increased their level of spiritual intimacy. It can do the same for you.
Being faithful to your spouse should be par for the course. It should go without saying to stay true to your spouse and your marriage vows. But in case there’s some doubt, read, study, understand and implement Hebrews 13:4.
Enjoy sexual intimacy as God intended. Sex and the Christian couple can be a beautiful thing when you are emotionally and spiritually connected. Enjoy Song of Solomon 4:10 and Matthew 19:5.
Deal with your finances from a Godly perspective. Christian marriages are just as susceptible to financial strife as any other. Tackle the issue of money God’s way. Matthew 6:24–33 can clue you in.
Don’t go to bed angry. This is easier said than done, even for Christians. But, it’s not impossible. Let Ephesians 4:26 be your guide to rid yourself of anger even if its cause lingers.
Pursue righteousness in your relationship. You have a choice in your relationship of whether to pursue things that build it up or those that tear it down. When God comes first, Proverbs 15:9 tells why righteousness is the way to go.
Be humble towards your mate and apologize quickly. The Christian heart should be sensitive to hurting others, much less your life partner. Own up to your mistakes as in Psalm 51:3.
Sin shouldn’t get a pass in your relationship. Christian couples can form unspoken truces…” you leave me alone with my sin, and I’ll leave you alone with yours.” To help each other grow, and without being judgmental, call sin out when you see it.
Allow God’s Spirit to work in your marriage. When Christian couples allow God’s Spirit to work, there’s an emotional connection they experience that helps to lead to the success of their union. See Ephesians 5:17–18
Lead by example just as Jesus did. This one can be a little tricky for some couples. Suffice it to say that doing the right thing doesn’t give you bragging rights. It just means you’ve taken 1 Corinthians 11:1 to heart.
Work daily towards unity in your marriage. Colossians 3:13–14 should be the go-to scripture for Christian marriages. It just about covers it all but wraps it up nicely with the importance of unity.
There are so many other scriptures and principles that can be used as a blueprint for a healthy Christian marriage. But this is a good place to start. Just remember God intends us to be happy and together! I know that my wife is not only my best friend but a GIFT from God!
